Elizabeth Smart, a survivor and sexual violence prevention advocate, while at a Johns Hopkins Human Trafficking forum, recalled being told as a young woman that the perception of used chewing gum and decisions regarding abstinence were very much the same.

"I thought, 'Oh, my gosh, I'm that chewed up piece of gum, nobody re-chews a piece of gum, you throw it away.' And that's how easy it is to feel like you no long have worth, you no longer have value. Why would it even be worth screaming out?" said Smart, "why would it even make a difference if you are rescued? Your life still has no value."

I begin with this because it has become Elizabeth Smart's work to tell men and women, children, survivors that: "[they] will always have value and nothing can change that."

Elizabeth Smart grew up in a conservative and religious community where a significant focus was placed on abstinence education, and sexual purity.

I begin with crediting Elizabeth Smart because as a returned Mormon missionary, as a woman of a particularly conservative faith and community-base, and as a survivor of sexual violence, her words have power and value.

About two month ago, US Weekly recovered police documents wherein Josh Duggar was identified as having molested five children, included in that number were a few (of his many) younger sisters... (it should be noted that this post has lingered a particularly long time in my draft box before well... the 19 other dramatic issues with the Duggars and counting...)

The Duggar family is famous for their evangelical beliefs, their vows inclusive of God providing them with as many children as He may will, and their resolute stance on the importance and vitality of sexual purity and modesty.

The Duggars have used their television show on TLC as a platform for evangelicalism - a foundation of their faith. They have used their Christian identity to condemn the lifestyles/clothing/media/relationships, etc... of others, most notable at this point is Josh Duggar's role (and resignation from) the Family Research Center - an organization known to project homosexuals as pedophiles.

But, my attention is not on Josh Duggar's actions. My concern and regard is about Jim Bob and Michelle's Duggar's reactions, actions, or lack there of.

I must first and foremost say, that this post is not intended to tell anyone what to do with their bodies. This post is not intended to tell you that you should have sex, and lots of, or none at all. This is not a commentary on romance, personal beliefs, or faith.

I do not have a problem with choices related to sexual experiences or the abstaining from sexual experiences in a personal realm - there are most arguably lots of benefits to waiting until marriage or a significant relationship to have sex. There are lots of implications when it comes to sex - mental, emotional, as well as physical, and therefore each individual should do what they believe and feel is best for them.

The problem I have with so called "purity culture" is its implications on men and women, on young people, on victims of sexual violence. Purity culture equated a persons value, with their sexual modesty. Purity culture tells its receptors, particularly young women, that their only source of value is their virginity; that the greatest thing (read: "gift") they can some day give to their husband is their "unaltered" body.

To better capture this notion, consider how Jim Bob Duggar spoke to his daughters about their value as people, as told by Michelle Dugger to the Washington Post. Jim Bob told their daughters to imagine he had gotten them a new bicycle for Christmas, a bicycle that was shiny and new. But, someone else comes and rides the bicycle before they had the chance to leaving it all banged up.

"I'm sure you would still be grateful for the bike, and you would have fun riding it," Michelle recalled, "but it won't be in the condition your parents had hoped and dreamed it would be when you received it. You would miss out on a lot of the enjoyment they meant for you to have."


Ummm.... *picks jaw up off floor*. Not the most subtle of metaphors, Mr. Duggar.

While yes, my parents may hope and dream that I have a loving family of my own someday, my parents also hoped and dreamed of my going to college. They hoped I'd be a good person, knowing right from wrong, treated others with respect. My mom dreamed that I'd get to travel the world, and my dad hoped I'd see beauty and artistry that the world has to offer.

While my parents were dreaming of my world being big, and my character being strong - the Duggar parents, and many others like them, fixated their own joy and their daughter's value on their virginity. I get it Jim Bob, I get it - get "all banged up" by some fella, and my husband will still have fun "riding" me, but it won't be as fun as it would be if I was a virgin. Duly noted.

The value that we place on and language that we use to describe sexual experiences matters. The way that we speak to our children about their value and potential is important. When we, as a society, tell individuals that their value is lost we are the ones that will lose.

In a society where 1 in 4 women  and 1 in 20 men are victims of sexual violence on our college campuses, we are telling 1 in 4 women that they have been compromised in an unfixable way; we are tell 1 in 20 young men they have been stripped of their masculinity and value as a man.

On a global spectrum, consider the way we talk about sex in regard to young men and women, boys and girls. The Associated Press is currently the subject of a Change.org petition for their use of the phrase "child prostitute." While this may seem particular, the Associated Press' phraseology identifies trafficking victims with a choice, and one that we as a society have deemed a dirty one at that. A child cannot consent to sexual contact, no way, no how. A "child prostitute" victim and survivor of rape and sexual violence deserves all of the dignity and respect they can be given.

While human trafficking, or the story of Elizabeth Smart may be extreme examples of the danger of purity culture, it's not something that's dangerous in only these "far away" or "that'll never happen to me experiences."

Consider the young women who disengages from her community, her church, her soccer team because she feels that she's no longer "of value" after having sex, or the young woman who instead of seeking affirmation from her teachers and coaches seeks to feel love and belonging through sexual relationships, compromising her full potential.

Consider the young man that finds his value in collecting women, because that makes him "more of a man," or the young man that is taught to value sex purity in a relationship over companionship and friendship.

With whom, and when, any person decides to have sex should be their own choice. Before marriage, after marriage, with mindfulness, or maybe not...

Regardless, at the end of the day, we go to bed, and then wake up, just as capable, just as valuable, just as good, and the day before, and as the day after. When we tell young men and boys that women are a prize to be valued, we dismantle their humanity. When we tell young women and girls their value and potential rests on that of their sexuality or lack there of, we displace dreams and ambitions that have the potential to change the world.





[You can sign Change.org's #NoSuchThing petition here: http://change.org/nosuchthing]