"There are good ships, and there are wood ships. The ships that sail the sea. But the best ships, are friendship, and may they always be" - that's what they say at least. I don't know the "they" that's saying all of these things, but this toast of the ages is among them, and as such it must be true.
I'm in the transitional phase of the newest chapter of my life. I am a college graduate, with work experience, back in my hometown beginning the adventure that is my next academic undertaking.At the beginning of this adventure, like every other, there is the period of introduction. That awkward time where I sit among my peers and classmates, not really knowing any of them, and them not really knowing me. But, I'll be honest. I'm quite eager for this stage to be over. To find my person or my people, or a whole gaggle of a gang to be my buddies and pals.
Friendship, after all, is an important part of life. I truly believe as human beings we are not meant to be alone, we are meant to be and to grow with and share our lives with others. We are meant to have a witness and in turn we are meant to witness the lives of others. I believe that friendship is fundamental to our happiness and our health. I believe that some of the greatest love stories of our lives, have absolutely nothing to do with sex or sexuality. For those that are riding along with me, a very particular SATC quotation comes to mind...And yet, something that seems so natural can actually be really difficult.
Maybe I'm alone in this.
Or, maybe... just maybe, I'm not.
While I realize this post deters from my regular projection of politics, I can't help but think about it as I'm beginning this new phase. I can't help but think how imperative female friendships are to women, and that if we have any chance of succeeding in this crazy world in which we live, we're going to need each other. Female friendships are unique, and I'll be the first one to say it: they're also complicated.
It can't be just me, can it? Even my girl, Mindy Kaling pokes at this notion and massive source of anxiety for this young twenty something: "Is everyone hanging out without me?"
In my lifetime, and throughout my experiences I have had many wonderful friendships. Some were quick, and some were long. Some were on the surface and some have shared pieces of my soul.
But home again, I find myself and vastly searching for the strong sources of confidence and affection that only the best of bosom buddies can provide.
I know women who have maintained lifelong friendships. Women who have been best friends with the same individuals since before they can remember. I know women who have gone away to college with the same best friends that once bore the other half of a jagged-heart-on-twine necklace. And, I'll admit. I'm jealous.While I have an inherent jealousy of these women. I also have some amazing women in my life, that I am so incredibly thankful for. Friendships that have been long, and short, big and small. Friendships that have brought me to new places, and brought me back home. Friendships, that make home wherever they are, and make me feel good where ever I am.
So here it is. My plea, and my pledge. My ode to female friendships:
Thank you:
- for teaching me how to:
wear make-up/straighten my hair/flip underwater/speak in front of people/eat crawfish
- for helping me smile when my mouth was full of metal...like all 5 years it was filled with metal.
- for letting me know that my family isn't the weirdest on the face of the earth, and for even sometimes thinking my parents were kind of cool
-for listening to me when I'm whiny and annoying, sometimes we all need days where we're annoying
- for singing in the car with me and ignoring when I get the words wrong to save my pride
- for taking me shopping or letting me borrow the perfect outfit for:
Sadie Hawkins/Senior Week/vacation/my 16th birthday/our big night out/a night on the couch
- for calling, I love talking to you on the phone my friend
- for inviting me, being left out stinks, and I loved getting to go:
to the beach/on vacation/to the party/to the movies/to your house
- for making sure I was fed and watered:
during recruitment/while finishing my research proposal/writing my thesis
I'm sorry:
- I didn't make more of an effort to go out and relax
- I gave up trying to find out what was wrong
- I didn't talk to you about it sooner
- I didn't invite you to come, as stated above, it stinks to be excluded
- I get carried away sometimes
- I didn't just tell you what was going on in my life so we could have avoided this whole thing
I will always remember:
- when we stayed up all night before our final exam because we thought it was a good idea
- when we found out we shared a love of the Beatles and a hatred of our same middle name
- singing along to Bette Midler, when most people our age didn't know who that was
- Driving up and down the West Coast together
- when you threw me a surprise party
- when you came with me to a country concert without knowing any of the words, just because I wanted to go and didn't want to go alone
- when you wished me luck on the biggest day of my life, and the first big hug after I got the job
I promise:
- I will not gossip about you
- I will forgive you when you need it
- I will apologize when I need to
- I will say a prayer for you each night
- I will get the next round
- I won't always know what to say, but I will always listen
- I will try and get better at sending birthday cards so that they arrive on or before your actual birthday
- I will remember your limits
- I will keep you in check
- I will help you get checked out when you need to
- what happens in Vegas will stay in Vegas
- I will be a good friend
I've had many friendships in my lifetime. While some friendships may have seemingly come to an end, I have to say that I am thankful for them. Even the friendships that ended in challenges and hard-times, when they were at their best were special and important to me. I am grateful for the women that have served as mothers and sisters when I needed them to be those things, for the women who taught me everything from, how to use an eyebrow pencil, to how to appreciate the smell of old books in rickety shops.
Female friendships are one of the greatest gifts we will ever be given. And, not to be selfish but I don't think we can ever have enough, and honestly, I'd love to have more.
I have become a better sister/friend/daughter/girlfriend/human being because of the women in my life, because of their guidance and influence. Because of the confidence they have instilled in me, and the voice they encouraged. I'm not done growing, and I'm going to need some help in getting where I want to go.
So here's to the good time girls and the big dreamers! Cheers to the listeners and the talkers, and the city-street walkers! Hip-hip-hooray for the confidence builders and the ladies who lunch! To the friendships, they really are the very best kind!
