I’m 26 years old. I live with my parents in my childhood home;
I don’t know how to make a grilled cheese (like I get the concept, of course,
but the actual good melty-gooey cheese kind continues to escape me). And everyone I know is (getting) married. While many
of my nearest and dearest are building homes and lives with the ones that they
love, I’m still in school (insert double peace-sign “chillin” face here). I go
to school, and then work, and the gym. And sometimes it’s gym, school, work,
and sometimes it’s work, gym, school… wow the possibilities are endless. (Waffles,
friends, work… if you’re following along with my brain). Sometimes it’s any,
all, or none of the above, and red wine.
Some days I wake up: I am woman,
hear me roar, an independent goddess divine, with the ability and projection to
do ANYTHING I DESIRE… and moments later *DING* (FACEBOOK notification:
Jenny is engaged to Bob… another one?).
The DING is followed by the “it’s just your age honey”s and the “he’s out
there”s and of course the “you’re an intimidating girl!”s. Please now take a
moment to look at your phones and the emoji board included; find the face
that is made of three horizontal lines…note: that is my face when any of the above statements are said. -_- Gee, thanks.
That’s when it hits me, and oh boy, it hits me hard. I
realize that if I were to start dating someone right this very moment, not even that
would be enough. By the time I’d have the option or ability to set my own DING
off and educes the -_- face on my immediate peers – I’d be no less than 28 *crosses "married at first sight of the list*… and
by then, all the “what’s taking so longs” may have already begun… *begins to
sweat*.
Oh world, oh world. In this state of hysteria and woah that is surely the result of our generation's need for constant display, and affirmation, and information sharing *shares intellectual TEDTalk, LIKE LIKE LIKEs several good friend's new prof pics, and applies just one more filter before posting a photo* we run screaming into the masses. Swipe left. Swipe right. Who talks
first? Do I talk first? Should I go over there? Should I stay here? Maybe I care too much? Maybe I don't care enough?
For some, any and all of these tactics will work. They've found love in the millenial generation (i.e. a truly hopeless place). For the outstandingly socially ill-equipped and those lacking
confidence (like myself) the digital dating saga isn’t the one… *crosses
#tinderlove off the list*; blind dates? Not a chance. I wouldn’t show up.
(LOL. Sorry but true). What about a guy at the gym, you ask? What about a bar? WOAH, WOAH, WOAH –
let’s manage our expectations, Pal!
No, No. I decide whatever meet-cute the universe has
intended for me is best left alone. As such, I choose to accept the “he’s out
there” option.
BUT WHEN?! WHO?! My desperate braces-wearing-too-tight-pony-tailed
internal-angsty teen cries out! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
NOTHING. I shout back at the 13-year-old mentality that’s now
taken a lease in my brain.
Then, it dawns on me! NOTHING!! NOTHING IS WRONG WITH ME!!
I’m an angsty 26-year-old, yes, but I'm trying to
My yearning, burning (sing Supremes here) desire for affection, affirmation, and
connection… that’s not embarrassing, or weird, or pathetic… GIRLFRIEND, THAT’S YOUR HUMANITY!
Right? I mean, isn’t it? We were made to be social creatures. The very essence of our very humanity draws on that socialization.
So, this isn’t a sentiment on how to be single (although,
your observation of my life and times may teach you just that); and this isn’t
a how-to on what to do while your waiting for your prince(ess) charming to
appear…
No, this is no attempt at advice or empowerment. This isn’t
a suggestion of YOU DON’T NEED NO MAN
or how to get a guy in 10 days… oh, no. This is none of those things.
This is just me,
telling you: you, me, we're doing just
fine. That I am also single, and that
I’m ok awesome and average, and sometimes averagely awesome, and other times awesomely average. TAKE THAT FACEBOOK: DING DING DING!! I’m single!!
Maybe, just maybe, you wouldn’t feel so sad, or lonely, or
behind, or in a hurry, if you knew there were more of us out there.
Not EVERYONE is getting married, or engaged, or buying sofas
together…
And the truth is: it’s okay to be really elatedly, deliciously
happy for those who are; your friends, your family members, that random girl
that added you on Facebook before you arrived on campus your freshmen year but
never actually met, or spoke… even she deserves your well-wishes and a
confetti-popper emoji! And the more time you we spend, being resentful of those relationships and milestones the less time and energy we have to celebrate them.
But even more so, it’s also okay to want those things
someday, or right now, or not at all. Because as people we were made, designed, with the capability and complexity to give love, and share love, and
receive love.
I will offer that maybe love isn’t the solution we’re all
looking for. Maybe this feeling of want comes from our ability give more than
we are, rather than our lack of absolutely anything.
I think we’ve (read: I’ve) gotten into a stage in life where
to be single and not actively be "doing anything about it" educes in us a sense
of shame… the more shame we feel, the less we talk about it. The less we talk
about it, the less other people talk about it. The less other people talk about
it, the more shame we educe. I think as a generation we have developed a terrible habit of confusing what we want and what other people have.
So, here’s my sign-off proposal: don’t be sad, or
embarrassed, or ashamed that you’re not “sweating for the wedding” or that he
didn’t like it so he didn’t “put a ring on it.” Don’t hide away in the secret
place that the single go (aka their bed, obviously alone, to watch Netflix). No,
instead get out there and do the things you like, and not “in the meantime.” I
mean, do them, really do them. Go to the bookstore, and get coffee, and climb
to the tops of mountains (although, on second thought maybe don’t do this one completely alone) and shout to the hills and valleys below: “I AM A SINGLE LADY” (feel
free to write your own mantra for this exercise.) The purpose of your life, your time, and your talent is not appeal to someone else. Stop with the "maybe I'll meet my husband in this pottery class" - take the pottery class because you want to. And when you do that, you won't be disappointed when all you find is pottery instead of a soulmate.
